Well, that was fun.

It’s rare that you get a government scandal and a funny name (that so perfectly maps to said scandal), but there are some candidates in the House and Senate. Let’s look at the possibilities:

The House

• Speaker John Boehner – Say it however you want, buddy – we only see it one way in our heads.
• Marcia Fudge (Ohio 10th) – I don’t want to hear the details when this scandal surfaces.
• Johnson (Bill, Ohio 6th; Eddie, Texas 30th; Henry, Georgia 4th; Sam, Texas 3rd; and Timothy, Illinois 15th) – Let’s face it, we all love crotch humor.

The Senate

• Mike Crapo (Idaho) – Again, not another scandal that you want to talk about at the dinner table.
• Johnson (Ron, Wisconsin & Tim, South Dakota)

Statistical Analysis

NOTE: If you know me, you know I hate numbers. Therefore, this data assumes the next scandal will in fact happen so someone with a funny/appropriate name for the scandal.

Chances the Scandal Will Be In House vs. Senate

Chances the Person Involved will be a Democrat vs. Republican

Chances the Person will have the last name Johnson

Chances It’ll be Funny As Hell

Conclusion

Looks like anyone with the last name Johnson should make their Twitter/FB accounts private and keep their PR teams on DEF-CON 1. That is, unless that asipring politician Dick Vaginaburg gets elected in the next cycle.