Who’s next?

Well, that was fun.

It’s rare that you get a government scandal and a funny name (that so perfectly maps to said scandal), but there are some candidates in the House and Senate. Let’s look at the possibilities:

The House

  • Speaker John Boehner – Say it however you want, buddy – we only see it one way in our heads.
  • Marcia Fudge (Ohio 10th) – I don’t want to hear the details when this scandal surfaces.
  • Johnson (Bill, Ohio 6th; Eddie, Texas 30th; Henry, Georgia 4th; Sam, Texas 3rd; and Timothy, Illinois 15th) – Let’s face it, we all love crotch humor.

The Senate

  • Mike Crapo (Idaho) – Again, not another scandal that you want to talk about at the dinner table.
  • Johnson (Ron, Wisconsin & Tim, South Dakota)

Statistical Analysis

NOTE: If you know me, you know I hate numbers. Therefore, this data assumes the next scandal will in fact happen so someone with a funny/appropriate name for the scandal.

Chances the Scandal Will Be In House vs. Senate

Chances the Person Involved will be a Democrat vs. Republican

Chances the Person will have the last name Johnson

Chances It’ll be Funny As Hell


Looks like anyone with the last name Johnson should make their Twitter/FB accounts private and keep their PR teams on DEF-CON 1. That is, unless that asipring politician Dick Vaginaburg gets elected in the next cycle.

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